Mar 01, 2015
How is it that people always seem to think that discipline involves punishment? People will slap their child’s hand for getting into something. A parent will scold a child for acting in a certain manner. A father will look menacingly at his son for “traumatizing” his younger brother. A mother belittles her daughter and sends her off to her room for a “time-out” with a lasting remark, “Don’t come out until you’re ready to stop being a brat!”
Sure those techniques seem to stop the behavior at the moment, but does it last? How many times do you have to scold your child for something? Ever count how many times it takes you to get your child to do whatever you ask of him by threatening him? If you say it more than once, you are working too hard resulting in you punishing the child, because you have become frustrated with him.
Things have changed in our world, and children know this better than anyone. They are the ones watching TV, Netflix, HBO, Youtube, music videos, and movies all depicting adults, especially parents, as complete bubbleheads. Just look at what the parents and grandparents do on the show “Modern Family.” The children raise their eyebrows at each other, act deceitfully, and often blatantly ignore their parents’ request and rules. It would be funny, if it weren’t so serious. This is America’s training ground for children. Influence means “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.”
The media from various sources is having a major influence on our children. If you act even a bit like the parents your child is observing, then you are going to have trouble. You will become frustrated, then angry, and then you will bark at your child. When he says something smart-alecky back (which he will, because he imitates what he sees on these shows), you will fire back with a caustic remark or maybe a push or shove; and the fight ensues. Eventually, you will tire before your child does. She will retreat to her room, slamming the door with an “I HATE YOU!” for a finale.
Of course, it does not have to be like this. Be the better parent. Be the prepared parent. Be the parent that thinks ahead and has a response ready that is functional and appropriate for guidance. Your child EXPECTS you to behave like those characters on TV, Youtube, or teen movies that plant the idea that adults are useless. Do one better, be the best parent you can be by guiding your child toward appropriate behavior by offering minimal direction and saying only one time: “I need my son, who I love very much, to get the garage cleaned out.” Your child may offer a rebuttal, but you have said your piece. In fact, you are done talking. Your child KNOWS what you want but believes that he should put up a fight. Don’t all those kids on TV shows do that?
Punishment does not work, not in the long run. But, what does work is “consequences.” Ever get a speeding ticket? The officer is nice, but you still have to pay the city $350.00. No one got mad. You were given a consequence for breaking the rule. Plus, I bet you drove slower after that, at least for a while. That is what a consequence does. It allows a person to rethink his behavior, and then, maybe, make a change so that he receives a different, hopefully positive, consequence.
Your son was told to clean the garage. Dinner, computers, TV, car rides, and snacks are all for people who have done what they are told to do. No squabbling, no shoving, no screaming or slapping, or going to one’s room. Just good old, “Do what we tell you, and you can have privileges.” Doesn’t get any easier than that. Try it.
Sure those techniques seem to stop the behavior at the moment, but does it last? How many times do you have to scold your child for something? Ever count how many times it takes you to get your child to do whatever you ask of him by threatening him? If you say it more than once, you are working too hard resulting in you punishing the child, because you have become frustrated with him.
Things have changed in our world, and children know this better than anyone. They are the ones watching TV, Netflix, HBO, Youtube, music videos, and movies all depicting adults, especially parents, as complete bubbleheads. Just look at what the parents and grandparents do on the show “Modern Family.” The children raise their eyebrows at each other, act deceitfully, and often blatantly ignore their parents’ request and rules. It would be funny, if it weren’t so serious. This is America’s training ground for children. Influence means “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.”
The media from various sources is having a major influence on our children. If you act even a bit like the parents your child is observing, then you are going to have trouble. You will become frustrated, then angry, and then you will bark at your child. When he says something smart-alecky back (which he will, because he imitates what he sees on these shows), you will fire back with a caustic remark or maybe a push or shove; and the fight ensues. Eventually, you will tire before your child does. She will retreat to her room, slamming the door with an “I HATE YOU!” for a finale.
Of course, it does not have to be like this. Be the better parent. Be the prepared parent. Be the parent that thinks ahead and has a response ready that is functional and appropriate for guidance. Your child EXPECTS you to behave like those characters on TV, Youtube, or teen movies that plant the idea that adults are useless. Do one better, be the best parent you can be by guiding your child toward appropriate behavior by offering minimal direction and saying only one time: “I need my son, who I love very much, to get the garage cleaned out.” Your child may offer a rebuttal, but you have said your piece. In fact, you are done talking. Your child KNOWS what you want but believes that he should put up a fight. Don’t all those kids on TV shows do that?
Punishment does not work, not in the long run. But, what does work is “consequences.” Ever get a speeding ticket? The officer is nice, but you still have to pay the city $350.00. No one got mad. You were given a consequence for breaking the rule. Plus, I bet you drove slower after that, at least for a while. That is what a consequence does. It allows a person to rethink his behavior, and then, maybe, make a change so that he receives a different, hopefully positive, consequence.
Your son was told to clean the garage. Dinner, computers, TV, car rides, and snacks are all for people who have done what they are told to do. No squabbling, no shoving, no screaming or slapping, or going to one’s room. Just good old, “Do what we tell you, and you can have privileges.” Doesn’t get any easier than that. Try it.
