Sandy was confused, bewildered and most significantly, emotionally drained. Her husband and children’s father has seemingly withdrawn from the family and pretends his absence is not an issue.

   They have a special needs child in the house and the marriage is being impacted by the new and dramatic issues brought forth by that child. Is it possible that while dealing with the must-dos of caring for a special needs child, the fairytale marriage can maintain itself and survive when confronted by the physical imbalances, the medical finances involved and the 24-hour needs, medical appointments and expectations to care for the child?

   Sandy was left at home to care for the child while her husband went off to work. She was uncertain how to deal with the intense amount of stress she was feeling and just knew that it was consuming the household.

   She felt as if she was left alone to deal with the changing reality of their once picture-perfect marriage into one of doctor visits, late nights with little sleep, arguments and ongoing visits to the pharmacy for medicines. She quickly began to see how her relationship with her husband could possibly collapse under the enormous strain of parenting such a child.

   It seems that Sandy was putting so much time into caring for her child, that she and her husband seemed to forget about their marriage. Eventually, finances, self-esteem, lack of a social life, recreation and their future planning all took a backseat to caring for their child.

   As a couple, they felt tested every day. They began to recognize that they both felt a loss of control over their child’s issues and that it would take time to adapt and then accept. There are however, some things that can be done to continue to take care of one another in the marriage while continuing to deal with the day-to-day stresses.

   Be sure to make time for one another. Being able to spend some form of quiet time with your spouse on a regular basis can allow for the ongoing sense of intimacy you had already developed.

   Whether you both are sitting on the patio having a glass of wine for a brief period or leaving the house for your monthly date night, continuing to care for one another is essential.

   Share the responsibilities. One parent doesn’t have to-and shouldn't- do everything alone! Sharing the responsibilities with one another allows each parent to have a chance for a break and enhances the sense that, as parents, you are a team.

   When your partner takes care of a chore, give her the credit for doing so. So what if you could have done it better? It is done!

   Use your support system and ask for help. Whether it is friends or family, asking for a little assistance will make all the difference in managing the everyday tasks. You can repay their kindness with a casserole at their doorstep later.

   Practice forgiveness and never blame one another. There is often the pent-up feelings that occur within families with special needs that result in wanting to find someone or something to blame. And all too easily that blame may be focused on your partner.

   Resist that tendency to point fingers. Blaming and assigning fault is ineffective, while forgiving each other allows you both to move forward. It is a difficult thing to do, to keep quiet about your feelings such as wanting to point blame, but resist it. It will be worth it tomorrow. Seek professional help for your marriage if necessary.

   Continue with your hobbies. Allow for your own excursions, whether you head off to the book store for a quick read or take a walk or just go sit in the sun. Time by yourself can allow for emotional cleansing and is essential as you move through ongoing difficult times. It takes time to reach acceptance and a willingness to adapt. One of the main challenges that a disability or illness places on marriage is to find a healthy balance of dependence and independence with one another.

   Your special needs child loves you and you love him. Yet it is so important for you both, as partners, to discuss what you each need and how you are feeling about it all. Talk about how your lives have changed emotionally and on a regular daily basis. Seek one another out when feeling sad or emotionally drained. Be sure to always respond to your partner in a supportive manner as he will do for you.

   Going together through this challenge hand-in-hand will ensure your family’s success.