Love is what makes a family. That time-honored phrase, personified by families of all types, featured prominently on our embossed adoption announcement.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and I always lead with “it’s complicated.”

Feelings around adoption are as varied as the individuals it involves, with many things that can be true at once: happiness to love a child, hope for their future, joy for progress and permanence, but also grief for a birth family that could not find safety and stability.

My husband, Mario and I, adopted Abraham, age 2, in August. We were his foster parents for almost two years before permanency became possible.

Married nearly 20 years, I work as a professional writer, and Mario teaches Spanish. We own a translation business together.

When asked how many children we have, we hesitate. We are the parents of Samuel, 18, Isaac, 13, Gabriel, 10, Jacob-Peter, 7, in addition to Abraham. A temporary infant placement is part of our household, too, six boys total. We also hold in our hearts, if no longer in our arms, the many infants who have come through our doors and reunified with their birthparents. I think of them every day and hope they’re doing well.

We have hosted four long-term placements, who stayed with us for months or years, and more than 20 short-term interns since 2021.

Foster care’s goal is reunification with biological parents or other family members after safety can be established. Children need temporary alternate caregivers for many reasons, including substance use, incarceration, and even parental illness or injury.

I think of foster care in simpler terms: I’ll hold your baby while you make changes in your life. However long that takes, no matter the issue, my family and I will nurture the child. We maintain daily communication with biological parents, compartmentalizing the issues that brought them to this point, without judgment.

We are here through supervised visits, court hearings, and medical appointments. Upon reunification, we will help arrange housing and utilities, adding in family outings when possible to try to ease the transition.

Statistics show that about 45% of foster children go back to their biological families.

So far, only Abraham has needed to stay forever. What started as one weekend turned into a long-term situation after the Department of Human Services let us know finding another bilingual family for him would be difficult.

It was not lack of love that landed us here, but rather, lack of resources, systemic failures, and complex care needs.

When I spoke with Abraham’s birthmother over the legal, she said, “I am giving Abraham to you because I love him. I wish you had been my Mom, too.”

I have yet to meet a mother in this situation who does not love her children.

Many families are living a nightmare, sorting out generational poverty, addiction, bad circumstances, and worse luck. They must complete court-ordered service plans, which can include programs and classes, to prove themselves safe and fit for a child’s return. I do not envy the role of social workers and judges in making those determinations.

Over the past two years, we have attended nearly 300 medical and therapy appointments for Abraham.  Now, with the help of a team of professionals and many brothers to interact with each day, he does not qualify for special needs preschool.

I am happy to care for my son. I am sorry it was impossible for him to return to his biological family.Those feelings co-exist, and through it all, our family will continue loving Abraham.

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 Q&A

 Q. What do you wish other families knew about adoption?

Adoption is not a rescue mission. It is part of our obligation to care for one another. I have worked as a translator and a journalist throughout my career, so seeing human struggle really wore on me and still bothers me a lot. Foster care, and now adoption, is one of the few ways I could find to make a direct impact on children in the community. I would not recommend foster care as a path to adoption, as its goal is reunification.

Q. How has foster care helped your children learn empathy?

Our children have gained an acute awareness of issues affecting their community, from how the justice system works to mental health and the effects of drugs. Ultimately, they see firsthand the importance of making good choices and having good friends. Our oldest son is now a pre-med student who hopes to work with a Medicaid-based population as a psychiatrist. They have learned to share toys, space, and their parents’ time. My youngest boys even share a birthday.

 Q. What is your community PSA?

You only have what you give away. Everyone can help in some capacity.

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Fill-in-the-blanks:

• The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is... Check on my children.
• Favorite way to relax: Swimming, so I can’t touch my phone.
• So far, my best life advice is... Children spell “love” “t-i-m-e.” You will never regret spending time with a child.